This is the week of
the children's theater.
The boy is in the play
so we are staying in town until 7:30
or more.
The Missoula Children's Theatre
comes but once a year in the winter.
The boy auditions every year for 5 years.
He gets in the play 4 out of 5 times.
That means I have to get involved.
That's not such a bad thing.
It works if everyone in the house has buy-in.
So I figure, if I'm going to get involved
I should jump in with both feet.
But both of my feet are
on thin ice.
so that means
I am jumping on thin ice
with both feet.
Not too smart.
I've never claimed to be too smart.
Perhaps not even smart at all.
I do allright.
I figured out how to use this computer.
Ok, a 4 year old could do that.
I figured out the meaning of life.
Ok, a 4 year old could do that too!
Oh, you don't know the meaning of life?
Well, ask a 4 year old.
You probably thought I was going to tell you.
HAHAHAHA!!!
That would be cheating.
You must figure it out for yourself.
Oh, there's one more thing.
It keeps changing.
That doesn't seem fair does it?
That's where the cussing comes in.
The more you fucking swear
the easier it is for you to figure out.
I didn't swear enough for a while.
It was frustrating.
I felt that I was on the verge
of figuring out something important.
I just couldn't for the life of me figure out
what the fuck it was.
It wasn't until I broke down
and admitted that I felt like shit
that I could begin to
see the inner light
that fucking shines right out of me.
I know there are a lot of assholes out there
that will say this is absurd.
It may seem absurd
until it starts making sense.
That's when you know
"This is the shit you've been trying to figure out!"
Then you break down and realize
nobody else will have a fucking clue
what you are talking about.
You are alone.
You have the answers
but nobody wants to ask the questions.
Go take a shower.
You stink!
I think I got off track...
The children's theatre is in town.
It is so damn cute
and the directors
are unfathomably perky.
I have to heat up the dinner
someone else made for them
every night.
I'm involved dammit!!!
mykl

mo betta

I had a better day yesterday and today.
Some very nice people stopped by
(on the blog)
to wish me a better day.
THANKS! to you all.
Now I have learned that
I will not be posting in the evenings
on weekdays.
This is because
I have responsibilities you know.
Children don't raise themselves.
This is, of course,
unless they rise up and slay you.
Now, the children will not behave
if I have my back turned and am typing.
Somehow, miraculously,
they do what's acceptable
if they are being watched.
So, watch them I will.
I have taken to playing games with them.
Gaming hath charms
to soothe the savage,
carnivorous, posessed,
supervillian, antisocial,
mischief savants.
Suddenly they are
cheerful, playful,
cooperative, charming,
intelligent, socialized,
darlings.
What sort of magic is this?
Hast thou cast upon them a dreadful curse
whose only remedy
is my torture?
From what mysterious otherworld
didst thou travel?
Through what portal must I be transported
to find children
whom are capable of
self entertainment?
How much longer must I be their
multitalented minstrel
mantoy?
Is that you?
Are you reading this and
sending your thoughts into my brain?
What was that?
I'm doomed!
Noooooooo!!!!
mykl

don't get me wrong

I had a bad fucking day today.
Oh, by the way,
if you don't like
cussing, swearing, bad language,
dirty words, foul mouth,
naughty language, potty talk,
(and for you crossword fans)
expletives,
then, you guessed it,
fuck off!
As I said,
I had a bad fucking day.
Now, I'm not completely sure why.
I have some ideas, such as
hormones
(yes, men have them too)
uncooperative children
(yes, men have them too)
a fucking dog
(and I don't mean that in a literal way)
mid-winter gray sky slump
(nothing here)
fucking bureaucracies
(and I don't mean that in a literal way)
(because that might just have made my day)
the stress of all of the above
(I do mean that in a literal way)
I'm leaving off a few just for good measure
(I mean that in a literal way)
So, in conclusion, as you can see,
I'm fucked.
As you can also probably see,
not in a Hurricane Katrina kind of way,
but more of a
STOMP STOMP STOMP
"Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Let me into the storm cellar!"
kind of way.
Oh sure everybody has stress
and it gets to them once in a while.
Well, today must have been my day!
I had a melt down.
I was just steamin' hot pissed all day.
Everyone at the office noticed.
I wasn't fun to be around.
(Yvonne, if you are reading this, I love you.
If you aren't reading this, I love you.
Not in the "Oh Baby" kind of way
but in the - I really thank you for being you
and thank you for noticing and appreciating
the real me - kind of way)
Any fucking way, there you have it.
My pissed off, feel like shit on a hobo's shoe
kind of day.
I anticipate a better day tomorrow.
If it's another day like today,
lookout you fucking bastards
I'm gonna take your heads off
shit in your neck hole
and have sex with your
boyfriend girlfriend husband wife
pets (including goldfish) grandma
third grade teacher and your favorite
cartoon character! Yes!
That's right! I said "have sex".
So don't fucking cross me,
(I don't mean that literally)
unless I'm having a better day.
mykl

The Squeeze

Friday night and as usual I'm home.
That's a good thing.
Home is comfortable.
My computer is there
the kids, wife, dog, cats
and bed are there.
What more could I ask for?
Oh yeah, how about some...
no, that would get me in trouble.
some...
Oops! can't reveal my secret fantasies
about the naked...
Whew, that was close!
I could drink something or smoke something.
There's always a price to pay.
How about writing?
That would be good.
I could write anything I wanted.
It was a dark and stormy night. The... snore.....

It wasn't enough that Sharene could make me throb with desire
just by her very presence but she had to -inadvertently-
(with my fingers making little quote signs in the air)
brush up against me
letting the back of her hand linger on the most throbbing part of me.
I'm refering, of course, to my heart.
I say "inadvertently" because it was obvious
that she didn't need to squeeze between me
and Jason, the boss.
She softly said, "Excuse me."
as she pressed against me
supposedly to avoid contact with Jason.
During the Squeeze she lifted her hand to push back her hair
behind her ear. As she passed directly in front of me
her hand slid down from her ear
until the back of it was lightly resting on my chest.
You thought I was being fascetious when I said, "my heart..."?
That's where it lingered as she completed the Squeeze.
Then she walked away with a slight turn of her head
and a look over her shoulder at me.

How's that?
I had to save this as a draft and get back to it at 10:30
after it was pointed out that I was ignoring everyone.
then I had to make sure everyone had their needs met
before I could come back and finish this.
nightey night
mykl

you're reading this

I spend so much time checking and commenting
on other peoples blogs
that I frequently run out of time to write on my own blog.
So I decided to write first and check second.
There are two that I check regularly,
one that I check often and a new one.
I obsessively check boredhousewife.
I regularly visit rumba queen and Jennifer.
I have started checking Ms. Knia's GAG often.
I used to visit Vanne regularly
but she started a blog that is mostly in the language Tagalog.
I don't know Tagalog.
I blame Jennifer for getting me into this mess.
I was preparing to post a comment on her site when I
inadvertently launched the
"start your own blog" sequence.
After I realized what was happening I decided
"hey why not?"
Now I know why not.
This thing will make you crazy!!!
OH don't get me wrtong.
I'm lovin' it!!!
But I don't get enough sleep.
Take right now for example...
I could be getting ready for bed and getting a full nights sleep.
But noooo, I'm blogging and
Having great fun.
I have found new friends in far away places.
I have found an outlet for my writing jones.
I have learned interesting things about
places in the world that i hope to visit someday.
I hope to meet some of these interesting people someday.
But I'll never go anywhere if I don't get some sleep!
good night sweet princes and princesses
mykl

It's late and I'm tired
but it's always late
and I'm always tired
so what's new...?
No, not you.
It's rhetorical.
I took the boy to the city today.
It was the first installation of the braces.
Let the games begin!
He was all excited about them.
"I'm getting braces today!",
he was telling everyone he met along the way.
By the time we got home he was still excited
"i'll keep my mouth closed and surprise mom."
"It's hardly a surprise." I informed him.
His exuberance was overflowing.
It was impossible for me to tell him,
"It aint gonna be so much fun in a couple days."
He was a jumping bean on a carnival ride.
The reality hasn't set in yet.
Surprisingly he put himself to bed early.
That's what I should be doing.
But nooo...
I'm sitting here typing out my words to you,
my faithful readers.
All 1.7 of you.
But hey, I love you nonetheless.
What a great compound word.
I can't think of another compound word
that uses three words with each of them
being completely spelled out within the word.
Of course, I can't think of hardly anything right now.
Can you?
Technically, no you can't!
Even if you could...
What was I saying?
I believe I was about to launch into some sort of
pseudo-psycho-metaphysical-bullshitish-ramblathon
Thanks for stopping me.
Hey, it's time to take the dog out and go to bed.
NO, of course I don't sleep outside with the dog.
The dog has to have a pre-bedtime "outdoor experience"
(so far this is an almost completely clean post.
except for the "bullshitish" part which I believe
you can hear on network television now.
So that is proof that it is morally acceptable to
the censorship fuckers that work for the
right wing fuckers
that try to fuck us all with mom's apple pie
for lube.)
So that's why I'm not going to
report that the dog might take a shit.
Damn it! You made me say "shit".
Well, technically, it wasn't YOU.
But it was...
Hey wait a minute.
This is getting out of hand.
Good night!
mykl

take a leak

I came home from work
and was assaulted by
my loving family.
MMM I love em'
I needed to fix the leaky roof
wash the ceiling where the roof leaked
wrestle the dog to the ground
help the boy with the homework
even though he is in a teenage mood
OOPS! The roof is still leaking....
see ya later.
mykl

Melbamog

I created this for Melbamae in December.
I kinda liked it. I didn't want it to get lost there.
So, here it is.

Melbamae

Melba...Melba...Melbamae
luckier each passing day
cards or men or lotto play
what more can a blogger say
Though I know her just a slight
and check her blog most every night
I find her words to be just right
her bloggish thoughts are a delight
When I post a comment here
a fair reply will oft appear
of which I share with my own dear
"full figured" spousal loving peer
So when I have a chance to know
that funny, thoughtful Melbamo
that loves her dear testostero
I'll hop and skip and go and go
across the wide Atlantic O
with Mrs. mykl right in tow
to meet the ex-americo
and greet her with a "heidi ho,
it's a pleasure don't you know,
to look upon you head to toe
no matter in what form you show
I've known your inner light to glow
Oh Melbamee, Oh Melbamog
Oh Melbamae you give good blog"

mykl jon

Barf Boy

Stayed home with "Barf Boy" today.
He woke up at 4 am and launched.
Since Mrs. M has MS
and must conserve her sick leave
I stayed home.
Hooray for sick leave!
I got paid to stay home,
tend to Barf Boy,
watch tv,
plow the slushy driveway,
make dinner,
blog,
do two Sudoku puzzles,
wear comfortable clothes,
take a nap,
and take out the garbage.
Now it's almost time for the boy to go to bed.
He's feelin' better now.
I'm still leaving a bucket by his bed tonight!
I anticipate an uneventful night.
Well that's sad
isn't it?
I wish I was anticipating
a night punctuated with
scintillating sex.
Mrs. M and I are into the
"resolution" phase of the New Years resolution.
We hope to have the time and energy for
the scintillating stuff
at some point in the not too distant future.
WAAAAAH!
We will go on a cruise
next August.
We want to be in shape for that!
Although, it is a cruise to Alaska
so I can't imagine there will be to many
bikini wearing hotties on board.
Even if there were...
Ya, they're going to go for the likes of me!
"MMM! Look at that overweight older dude.
Wish I could get me a little of that action!"
Even if they did...
"MMM! That young hottie wants
a piece of this.
Mrs. M, where are you?
I have something for you!
Oh Ya! That's right!
Your gettin' what the hottie aint!"
Well, Geez! That was a warped little fantasy.
I'll have to try harder next time.
mykl

01-01-oh oh oh Ahhhh!

I guess this is the time for resolutions
and well wishes.
I spent the first day doing pretty much nothing.
The resolution will not start officially until Tuesday
when I have to go back to work.
You know what it is...
I'm a 50 year old man for cryin' out loud
I either overeat or don't get enough exercise.
DING DING DING !!!
Two for two
So, the nude picture posts will have to wait.
(sorry BHW)
I could post photos of just the "good" parts
but, of course, that is completely subjective.
Hey you Pervs! It's the eyes and the smile.
The one eyed schizophrenic turtle
will not be seen this year.
Saw the shadow of his own walnut shells.
But I will be sending out well wishes
to those with whom I have contact.
No sense in wishing bad luck.
I even wish the President well.
I hope the wizard gives him a brain
and a heart
he's already got a lot of damn nerve
and a fucking "homeland".
I have hated that term since the first time I heard it.
"homeland" is where you're FROM
not where you are.
His family has lied about where they are from for a long time.
They lie so much they believe the lies.
That is what makes them so convincing.
Great liars are convinced that the lies they tell
are the truth...
The truth that makes the most sense
for them to make a profit.
Since making a profit for the family is the number one priority
lying to achieve this is not unethical.
It is not only NOT unethical
it is righteous and makes the liar a hero.
Bush thinks of himself as a hero
because he is making his family richer.
What a good boy!
Daddy and mommy are so proud of you!
But I digress...
Happy New year to one and all!!!
May the light of the new year
shine on each and every one of you
with health, happiness
and great fortune!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope to see you all in the nude this year.
If I do, I promise to appear nude as well.
I will rejoice and sing of glad tidings
with great joy!
For we all have nipples (or at least once did)
body hair
and of course one or more sets of genitals.
Enjoy them all!
MYKL